thoughts

This week I've thought a lot. Usually, any spare moment of my alone time consists of day to day thoughts... To- do lists, plans, reminders, that sort of thing. This week, I was consumed with thoughts of empathy, sadness, wonder and love. You could argue they are more feelings than thoughts, but feelings result in tears, and tears are something I have a hard time turning off, so I try to just think :)
A family member passed away unexpectedly-- and it really did send a jolt of awareness through me. I suddenly remembered the sweet memories I had of her. The baby blanket she made for Camden and brought to my house, I wasn't home, so she left it at the door. I really wished I would have been home. Or how after I had Turner, she spent an entire bridal shower holding him. I also remembered the last funerals I attended. That terribly hard time for my family. I remembered that death is harder for those that are still on earth.

I have decided that the older you get, the harder things are. You've experienced more. You are no longer naive or unaware. When someone loses a child, before you've had children, you think "man, that's hard." Then suddenly you become a parent and think "that's impossible." You think of your own life when you hear of other's trials.
The conclusion I came to is this: life is hard, but wonderful. And if you find yourself dwelling on the hard stuff, you'll never see how wonderful it really is.
I know we need to experience sadness to feel joy, hurt to feel love, etc. but more often than not, I think, really? Do I have to?
Yes. So I can really appreciate how she always hugged me hello. So I can sweetly remember her service and love. So I'll make that extra effort to attend that baby shower, wedding, family reunion.
I guess there is just one more person up there, cheering us on, right?